{3 Months!}

90 short days have come and gone...::::sigh:::: I can not believe he's been here 3 months. One way it seems much longer then 3 months and other times not nearly 3 months. Tanner is a healthy big boy. He doesn't have the "baby" look. Yesterday I was looking at a friends blog and she had taken pictures of a brand new baby. Looking at the baby I thought, Tanner only looked like that for a few days; maybe 5. Even at his 2 week photo shoot he didn't have the brand new baby look. Everyone looks at him now and thinks he is much older then just 3 months.

A week ago we measured him and his head was 16.5 inches and he was 26.5 inches tall. He weighs almost 16.5 pounds!!!

Length = above percentile 95
Weight = in percentile 90
Head Circumference = in percentile 50

WOW!

Tanner is noticing his surroundings much more. He's noticed his hands and often "talks" to it. He is almost rolling over. He gets his whole body up but can't manage to get his last leg over...just yet.

He talks a TON and is awake more, but still sleeping tons.

He wakes up and an hour after waking up he takes another nap. Usually about an hour. He then proceeds to take 1/2 hour naps thoughout the day. About 1 in the afternoon he takes a longer nap; anywhere from 2-4 hours. Then he continues to take his little "cat naps" throughout the evening. I've started feeding him rice cereal at night. I give him 1.5 (formula) scoops of cereal to 1.5 ounces of water. I've noticed he eats better with the plastic spoon rather then the rubberized spoons. I give him this meal and then top him off with a bottle. That is usually his last meal. I put him to bed anywhere from 9-10 and he sleeps for 7 hours. He wakes up and eats an 8 ounce bottle and goes back to sleep for another 4-5 hours.

I've started putting him in the johnny jump up and put the walker together. He doesn't understand or "get" the meaning of them but sure enjoys standing upright.

I've also been forced to stop breastfeeding. My milk supply was/is great. My milk quality is not so great. For the past week Tanner has literaly projectiled his milk instantly after I've fed him. He wasn't eatting and was always hungry and so I fed him formula. He didn't throw up and so I assumed he was possibly sick and had gotten over it. Unfortanetly, as soon as I fed him the breastmilk again he projectiled. I am VERY sad (1) breastmilk is best and (2) breastmilk is FREE. We are now Costco members as Costco sells Similac for an affordable price.

{11 Weeks}

After 12 weeks I will only update monthly, doctor's appointments and major milestone achievements....this is getting hard to do with an almost three month old!

T was measured and weighed today! He weighed 15.10 ounces. That is still in above 95%. He was 25 inches (that is 2.25 inches in 20 days!) That is in the 90-95%! His head was 16 inches and that is in the 50%!

I knew by the amount of sleep and food intake he was going through a growth spurt. What I didn't expect was when I pulled out all the 3-6 month clothing he'd be too small for them! So he is now wearing 6 month clothes. I should say Carter's 6 month clothing...I've noticed they run a little smaller. I have yet to put him in other 6 month but very soon.

He is starting to nudge himself on his back in his crib. I can put him head upwards and come in and he will be sideways or have his head smashed into the headboard. He is sleeping a consistent 7 hours at night. He is NOT taking consistent legnths of naps. He cat naps all day, not what I like....He sleeps about 1/2 to a full hour and wakes up just to do it again in 1 1/2-2 hours. I'd really like 2 full hours...is it too much to ask for, I won't ask for much as I pretty much STILL have a near perfect baby!

He is cooing TONS and smiling TONS. His two favorite words...gooooo and gaaaa. I just love it!

{10 Weeks!}

Dare is say 2.5 months old! Where does the time go! Tanner is coming alive. Kicking and moving and smiling. He is a very happy and calm baby. It makes me happy when he wakes up and instantly smiles at me :), can't wake up any better I'd say.

Speaking of sleep, why oh why is my body CRAZY! Tanner has started sleeping 5-6 hours in a row, waking up to eat and usually 4-5 hours waking up to eat again then sleeping another hour or so...So an example would be last night....He ate his "dinner" at 10:00 I put him in his crib awake and he talked and wiggled and when I went into check on him at 10:30 he was asleep. He slept until 5:00 AM then ate what would normally be his middle-of-the-night feeding and went straight back to bed. At 8:30 he fussed and I gave him his binky, while I went to make another bottle but before I made it to the kitchen he was asleep. He woke up at about 9:15. Not bad huh. My body doesn't seem to be adjusting to extra sleep and I am MORE sleepy now then before!

I have noticed that he doesn't eat well around loud or distracting environments. He also doesn't eat as much during the morning/day time as he does in the afternoon and at night. He eats the most late and mid night.

He has found he can make some LOUD noise. He has also started a little crying and whinning louder then we are used to, but only when something is WRONG or he is ready to eat...NOW!

We haven't weighed him since his doctors appointment but....3-6 and 6 month clothing are starting to fit. I just went through his dresser and tossed the rest of 0-3 and most 3 month clothing out.

Over the weekend Tanner went on his first vacation to the ocean. By the end of this year he will be quite the experienced traveler as we have a few more trips planned!

{9 Weeks and 2 Month Well Baby!}

I know there is tons to post but I will just post stats...

Poundage...13 pounds and 14 ounces...ALMOST 14 POUNDS! He's in the 95th percentile according to the doctor.

Height...ummm sort should I say...22.75 he's not tall....hmmm, where does he get that from?! He's in the 50th percentile for that one.

Head...15.5 I didn't ask % on this one.

Anyone know of a good pedi-doctor? We are in pursuit of a new one, someone that doesn't tell me I am feeding him too much, or make me feel like a bad mom....

{Baby T 8 Weeks!}

Tanner has found a little voice. I think Victor and I are heartless or something because when he NOW cries it is a little whimpering thing and WE want to LAUGH! I am sorry to report that it is late and I am tired, so I can't remember anything really happening this week, SORRY!

How your baby's growing: Your baby can differentiate familiar voices from other sounds and is becoming a better listener. He also can show you that he's in tune with his environment. Notice how he looks to see where certain noises are coming from.An ongoing conversation (although still one-sided!) can help your baby develop his sense of place. He may even watch your mouth as you talk, fascinated by how it all works.

Yeah, I didn't weigh him this week. He has a doctor's appointment coming up next Monday and we'll get the correct information then :).

{Baby T 7 Weeks!}

Tanner loves music, loves to smile and coos. We, Victor and I, think he laughs and giggles but that could be just us crazy parents. He is very attentive and loves to look at our big picture of the lighthouse in our living room. If we put him down in his playgym he will kick and hit (only the left hand and leg) and he doesn't seem to mind on his tummy playmat either. I want to get video of him while in the playgym, he talks and coos and giggles :)

How your baby's growing: You may notice short periods of time when your newborn is quiet and alert. This is prime time for learning: Your baby's brain will grow about 5 centimeters during his first three months! Use these calm intervals to get better acquainted with your baby — talk to his, sing to him, describe the pictures on the walls. He may not be able to add to your conversation just yet, but he's learning nonetheless. New textures for his hands to feel and new sights and sounds (all in moderation) are all learning opportunities. Even bath time becomes a laboratory for understanding life.

So back at 5 weeks, remember how I said I was afraid to post numbers, well I was wrong...

1 Month at 7 Weeks:
Length = 22.25 Inches in percentile 50
Weight = 13 Pounds between percentile 90 and 95
Head Circumference = 15.25 Inches between percentile 25 and 50

{Baby T 6 Weeks!}

How your baby's growing: Now that your baby's awake for longer periods during the day, you can use these times to support his sensory development. Try singing your favorite lullabies or playing music.You don't have limit yourself to children's songs. Fill the house with the sounds of music — from the Black Eyed Peas to Mozart — and watch as your baby expresses his pleasure through coos, lip smacks, and jerking arm and leg movements.Your baby might also enjoy the sound of wind chimes or a ticking clock. The more varied the offerings, the richer the impact. Inevitably, you'll notice that your baby responds to and favors some selections more than others as he begins to develop preferences.

1 Month at 6 Weeks:

Length =

Weight =

Head Circumference =

{Baby T 5 Weeks!}

Seriously, 5 weeks? The no-sleep thing has taken a toll on my body, we both took a 3.5 hour nap a couple times this week!

I can't say it enough but Tanner is SUCH an easy baby! He is doing well. He is pretty much still on the same time clock. Eats, stays awake for about an hour, sleeps about 2 hours and exactly 3 hours from the start of the last feeding wakes up hungry and ready to start the same process. This process is nice, but also hard!

I am strickly bottle feeding now, but feeding him breast milk. After a week of straight bottle feeding I did try breast feeding. I think if I wanted when he is COMPLETELY awake I could feed him that way but not sure if I will as he still doesn't get a FULL feeding. When I breast fed him this one time he ate really good on the first side but the second side was more of on-off game. Afterwards I pumped to see what I could get from each side, the first side I barely got a half an ounce and then second side I got 1.5 SO he ate 3 ounces. He is eating more then that so fed him the rest of what I pumped.

I feel like such the "proud or boasting" mom because I really feel he is advanced. He is holding his head up really well, pushing himself up with his arms. If you put something by his feet he'll push off of them. I can sit him in the bumbo, in his crib and start the mobile. He will reach for the mobile, only to NOT get it and make himself REALLY mad. He is also cooing, laughing and somewhat giggling. He loves to be sang to and smiles for both Victor and I on a regular basis and will smile on occasion for others.

Percentiles, I am hesitant to post this as my measuring and weighing is NOTHING like the "official" doctor's one but I am still gunna do it! (I guess my concern is when I get to the doctor what if he isn't as TALL as I say he is?) OH well!

1 Month at 5.5 Weeks:
Length = 22.5 Inches between percentile 50 and 75
Weight = 13 Pounds between percentile 90 and 95
Head Circumference = 15.75 Inches in percentile 75

How your baby's growing: Smiling happens at about the same time in all cultures, so get ready for your baby to reward all your loving care with a beaming, toothless, just-for-you smile. This will probably make your heart melt, even if you've just had your worst night yet.

• Learn more fascinating facts about your 5-week-old's development.

Your life: The postpartum checkup, soon you'll have the last of the series of checkups that began with your first prenatal trip to your doctor or midwife. Your care provider will want to be sure you're doing fine — emotionally as well as physically — following the stresses of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and becoming a new parent.

During the pelvic exam, your doctor will want to see that any tears, scratches, or bruises to your vagina or cervix have healed. If your cervix is healed, you may also have a Pap smear. She'll also examine your perineum if you had an episiotomy or tearing, to inspect the stitches.

Your breasts will be checked as well. If you aren't nursing, your caregiver will want to be sure there are no hard or sore areas that might indicate an infection. She'll also want to see if your milk is drying up. If you are breastfeeding, she'll examine you to find out if you have any clogged ducts, which could lead to an infection like mastitis.

You'll probably be told it's fine to begin having sex again, though many new moms don't feel their drive or energy kick in for a few more weeks or even months. Regardless of your interest level, you ought to discuss postpartum birth control, because it's possible to get pregnant even if you haven't gotten your period back and even if you're breastfeeding.

Your caregiver will also be concerned about your emotional health. As many as four out of five new moms become mildly depressed, commonly called the baby blues. However, if these down feelings last more than two weeks, you may have postpartum depression, a more serious condition. Your doctor or midwife can recommend interventions that really help, such as a therapist who sees lots of moms like you, or an antidepressant that's safe to take even if you're breastfeeding.

{Baby Percentiles!}

I found a Growth Percentile Calculator on the Baby Center Website. I will try and keep this, too, updated :).

Newborn at Birth:

Length = 20 Inches between percentile 50 and 75

Weight = 8 Pounds and 4 Ounces between percentile 50 and 75

Head Circumference = 13.375 Inches between percentile 10 and 25

Newborn at 2 Weeks:

Length = 20.5 Inches between percentile 75 and 90
Weight = 7 Pounds and 7 Ounces above percentile 95
Head Circumference = 14.25 Inches between percentile 50 and 75

Not sure if I put 4 weeks as newborn or 1 month so I did both, (1) either he is HUGE or (2) he is TINY :)!

Newborn at 4 Weeks:

Length = 21 Inches in percentile 90

Weight = 10 Pounds and 12 Ounces above percentile 95

Head Circumference = 14.75 Inches between percentile 75 and 90

1 Month at 4 Weeks:

Length = 21 Inches in percentile 10

Weight = 10 Pounds and 12 Ounces between percentile 25 and 50

Head Circumference = 14.75 Inches between percentile 10 and 25

{Baby T 4 Weeks and 1 Month Check Up!}

Doctor's appointment first:

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We saw Dr. Van Fossen for Tanner's 4 Week Check Up (kind of). I actually took him in because I "thought" I heard the baby wheezing. In actuality, I am the "over worried first-time mom" the baby had a stuffy nose :).
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Tanner gained 1 Pound 5 Ounces since his 2 week appt. That puts him at 10 Pounds and 12 Ounces!

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His head was 14.75 Inches
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Tanner also grew 1/2 an inch so that makes him 21 inches long.
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Tanner is eating well, obviously! He nurses and takes a bottle about 50/50 now. He is much more happy eating from the bottle as I am sure he gets more food! He is now eating 5 ounces a bottle!

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Sleeping wise, last night was amazing! Up until yesterday night Tanner was eating 4 ounces and last night I decided to bottle feed him 5 ounces and he slept 4 hours! He woke at 2AM ate another 5 ounces and stayed asleep abother 4 hours! YAY!!!

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How your baby's growing: Your baby may gurgle, coo, grunt, and hum to express his feelings. A few babies also begin squealing and laughing. Be sure to coo and gurgle back, and talk to your baby face to face. He'll enjoy holding your gaze now.

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If you have things to do, your baby will still enjoy hearing your voice from across the room. And don't feel silly about talking baby talk — babies are particularly attuned to this high-pitched, drawn-out way of communicating that can actually teach your baby about the structure and function of language.

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• Learn more fascinating facts about your 4-week-old's development.

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Your life: Mixed feelings Even when you're the happiest person on earth to be a new parent, it's common to have nagging little feelings of disappointment. Not that you want to tell anyone. But you spent nine months imagining what your baby would be like and now here he is — perhaps not exactly what you'd pictured. Parents of a baby born with a health problem are especially vulnerable to this feeling of not getting what they'd bargained for. But parents of perfectly healthy children often have such feelings, too:
• The mother of three boys who'd hoped for a little girl

• The older mom who probably won't have any more children and really wanted a little girl but got a boy instead

• The mom who expected twins at first but gave birth to a singleton after one fetus died in utero early in the pregnancy

• The mom whose baby looks like an exact clone of Daddy and not one bit like her
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In all of these situations, there's a perfectly healthy baby to celebrate. And yet there's often an imaginary baby to mourn over before the real baby can be fully embraced. Rarely does anybody talk about this phenomenon, but it's perfectly normal and human. So if your joy is tinged with a little regret, don't feel too guilty. Give yourself a little space to privately grieve, and then count the blessings you do have.

{Baby T ~ 3 Weeks!}

How your baby's growing: Babies love and need to suck, so don't discourage it. In fact, you may have discovered that a pacifier works wonders in helping your baby calm down. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends using pacifiers at nap time and bedtime, based on evidence that using a pacifier may reduce the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). When the binky or your finger isn't around, your baby may even be able to find her thumb or fingers to soothe himself.

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Your life: BondingSome moms talk about feeling an instantaneous, consuming love right from the beginning. That's become the prevailing image of what "bonding" is supposed to be like. But bonding isn't a single, magic delivery-room moment. For more than half of new mothers, feeling connected takes a bit longer — and for good reason.

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Birth, delivery, and recovery can be taxing physical experiences, especially if there are complications. If you've never spent a lot of time around babies, let alone been completely responsible for taking care of one, anxiety and worry about doing everything right can intrude, too. Your relationship with your child is not so different from your other relationships — it can take time and many interactions for those feelings of attachment to develop and ripen.
So no need to feel guilty if you look at your long-awaited baby and feel like you're staring at a little stranger. In a sense he is. Give it time and eventually you won't be able to imagine life without him.

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If after several weeks, however, feelings of aloofness, or even resentment, continue, you could be suffering from postpartum depression. Ten percent of new moms suffer from this form of depression, triggered largely by hormonal changes after delivery. In addition to prolonged feelings of ambivalence about motherhood, accompanying symptoms include insomnia, anxiety, changes in appetite, and thoughts of harming yourself of your baby.

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Postpartum depression has nothing to do with your fitness as a mom and everything to do with biochemical changes you have little control over. Tell your ob-gyn or midwife without waiting until your postpartum checkup. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you'll feel much better.

{Tanner's 2 Week Check-up!}

We saw Dr. Van Fossen for Tanner's 2 Week Check Up. It is official, I can grow weeds. I can't keep a darn plant alive but it seems the weeds in my garden do fine. Someone must have plucked Tanner out of my garden and placed him inside my house as he has grown so much.

I did think that he was getting HUGE until I saw another baby a few months older and was put back into real life sizes.

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Tanner gained 1.3 pounds since birth (16 days) so he was 9 pounds and 7 ounces. I have no doubt he will be more then 10 pounds by early next week.

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His head was 14.25 Inches

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Tanner also grew 1/2 an inch so that makes him 20 1/2 inches long.

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Tanner is eatting well, obviously! He nurses and takes a bottle when I have other's help, Victor, family or friends like to feed the baby too! When Tanner takes a bottle he drinks a sure 4 ounces and sometimes 5, and he can slurp it down!

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Dr. Van Fossen says he's perfect, of course he is! I am happy to have this little guy around!

Forgotten Info...

These things happened on Day Three:

Tanner smiled for the first time in his sleep. I have had two good friends tell me that it is not from Gas but that babies this young still remember where they just came from, who they were with, and friends they'll see again... I like that so we are sticking to both. Of course, I told Victor exactly what I was told "it's just gas..." so now whenever he smiles in his sleep, I get a very sacrastic...."it's just gas."

Tanner also experienced hiccups for the first time. I rarely experienced them with him in the womb and was shocked and surprised how much they rattle his little body!

{Baby T ~ 2 Weeks!}

How your baby's growing: Your womb was a warm and cozy environment, and it'll take time for your baby to adjust to the various sights, sounds, and sensations of life outside your body. You may not be able to detect much of a personality just yet, as your baby spends his time moving in and out of several different states of sleepiness, quiet alertness, and active alertness.The only way your baby knows to communicate is by crying, but you can communicate with him through your voice and your touch. (Your baby can now recognize your voice and pick it out among others.)Your baby probably loves to be held, caressed, kissed, stroked, massaged, and carried. He may even make an "ah" sound when he hears your voice or sees your face, and he'll be eager to find you in a crowd.

Birth Story

So, for anyone out there who doesn't want all the nitty-gritty details, I suggest NOT reading this. This post is going to be long, detailed and very personal.

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That being said, I need to start from the beginning.....

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Last year, 2006, was a VERY difficult year for me. Sitting back, watching and hearing of more women pregnant. I had 3 super close friends, 6 relatives and a good 10 friends and other women from church that I knew, all pregnant. I think the hardest part was wondering, why not me? After having a miscarriage in early 2005 and almost a full 2 years of trying and nothing, I'd almost given up. Actually around early 2006 I did give up. I threw out the medication (that is supposed to work like magic), gave up praying, wishing and hoping. My attitude had changed to somewhat of "if it happens it happens, if not....well, I can adopt later on." I no longer pondered why me or when, just pretty much gave up.

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I was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle all these women pregnant and having babies and did think how fun it would be to be going through the whole 9 months pregnant with them, but that never happened. And as time went on I proceeded to amaze myself. I didn't feel one ounce of envy or jealousy, I truly was happy for them. What I did do was shower them with TONS of gifts and love. I think this was my way of channeling. It drove Victor mad (crazy), every time I brought something baby home for this or that person he told me I needed to not overload the person :).

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The summer of 2006 as all the babies were being born I enjoyed holding each one and spoiling them and their mamas. I met a close friend during this time and after a few months she boldly asked me why I hadn't had kids, I was great with hers? I might have been too harsh or mean but I said, just because I don't have them doesn't me I don't want them! By that time I was sick and tired of "curious" women who didn't realize how one question could cause so much pain. I think the hardest part was the women at church. I ended up being too harsh to anyone who asked, (1) that is a personal question and (2) they don't know the effect it has on the other person---I learned this through the pain of answering each of those women that I will never ask another one about when she plans on starting a family; because for all I know she is already trying and struggling.
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In late November, I started having thoughts of pregnancy. I seriously hadn't had a single thought in months. I felt like I was going to start my period. The only thing I had continued to do was document dates, which before trying to get pregnant I didn't document anything. I had a secret code in my computer calendar (just in case someone should look in it). I decided to look into the calendar to see when I should be starting my next period and was surprised to see that the date should have come already. Still, I did not take a single pregnancy test. I waited and waited and WAITED. I waited 10 days before I even took a test. I was so surprised how fast it turned positive! That was December 4th.
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Our 3 anniversary was two days away and Victor had planned a get-away trip but wouldn't tell me where. I decided I would wait two more days to tell him. I went out and bought a little Christmas outfit (for Christmas 2007) and two bibs, one pink that said "I love Daddy" and one blue that said "I love daddy". As soon as the hotel door was shut I gave him his presents. The first was the outfit, which by the look on his face confused the heck out of him. The second box containing the bibs was even more puzzling until it clicked and he was very excited himself. I immediately told him I didn't want to tell many people and as weird as it was especially NOT our families. I was certain this pregnancy I wouldn't tell anyone until I was sure.
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I prayed to Heavenly Father that if I was meant to have this pregnancy then let the first doctor's appointment go well. Let us see a heartbeat and feel some comfort. Which at our appt. the doctor nearly hugged me as he had experienced my pain from before. He was delighted and kept saying, what a Christmas present!
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The weeks before we told our family was pretty painful--not telling them! Finally I decided I was about 10 weeks and decided to tell my parents and siblings at Christmas time, but still wanted to wait for everyone else.
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I had more then a few scares throughout this pregnancy but that could be because I was so nervous and scared something would happen like before. I honestly knew and still know I could not make it through the pain and heartbreak that I previously experienced. I am thankful to have made it through this whole process!
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Okay, so here's where the fun and details about Tanner making his grand entrance…
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Towards the end of the pregnancy I started to gain a lot of water weight. Pretty soon my feet, ankles and calves were all one piece and so rock hard, you’d have thought I was superwoman with tons of muscles. You seriously couldn’t push in and have it move much at all. My blood pressure was also on the rise. Dr. Gramann was watching me closely and making sure that I didn’t get pre-eclampsia.

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On Monday August 6th (the date I thought was my Due Date, but Dr. Gramann thought my due date was the 12th) I went in for a regular weekly appointment. I had proteins in my urine which is another sign of pre-eclampsia. Dr. Gramann said that he isn’t for inductions but he doesn’t NOT do them if necessary and he would leave it up to me. I told him that I wanted it done; not because I had to have the baby right then but I wanted to feel good again. I didn’t want my feet and legs to throb, I wanted the numbness in my right hand and left shoulder to go away (caused by water retention pinching nerves). He said Okay and went to call the hospital and schedule it. Candice and I sat there and assumed it would be later in the week (Thursday or Friday) or the next week. Dr. Gramann came back and said, Tomorrow…
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I was instantly scared and struck dumb. I think I stumbled out with an “uhhhh okay.” I was told that I was “stand-by” which meant if there were other pregnant ladies in labor then I’d be bumped until the next day. As Candice and I drove home I started making a To-Do list for the rest of the day so that I could be ready for tomorrow.
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I finished my to-do list and went to bed. I actually slept better then the night before, I think knowing I was going in. I was supposed to call the hospital at 7 AM. I woke up at 5:30 and decided to call. The nurse told me that I wasn’t going to be able to come in, there wasn’t a nurse for me. It confused me at first, but now I understand. They have 1 nurse for the lady in delivery and 1 nurse for the women who have already had their babies and are still in the hospital. They had a lady in delivery and so I was bumped. AND BUMMED! I felt like crying the whole day and tried to be strong…
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I called Wednesday and was given the runaround by nurses and they told me they’d call me back within an hour. I got back in bed, this time deciding NOT to take a shower and get my hopes up. Within 2 minutes of being back in bed, my cell phone went off. It was the hospital nurse stating she had a lady in labor but she was going to deliver any minute and could I be in at 9AM. I said YES! I called Victor, who was at work, and told him to pick up his mom and get going! I got in the shower and quickly tried to get ready. In the process my mom and grandma and aunts kept calling and I was trying to hurry. I was ready within 3o minutes but where was Victor? He calls me at 7:45 saying he’s just now picking up his mom (I had talked to him an hour ago!). I tell him to hurry that if we aren’t there by 9 they might bump us again! He gets home and rushed to get ready, probably the fastest I’ve ever seen him get ready (and that is saying A LOT!)
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We checked into the hospital at 9 AM. After all the paperwork and questions the nurse hooked me up to pitocin. I was laying in the bed a nervous wreck and Victor and his mom are sitting in the corner talking, not intentionally ignoring me but they were ignoring me! I was getting irritated. By 10:30 Victor’s sister-in-law comes walking in with our nephew, Andrew, who’s 4. They proceed to talk and Andrew plays with obnoxiously loud toys, really irritated me now. All I wanted was peace and quiet. I texted messaged Victor hoping he would get it and asked him to have them leave the room for a little bit as I was getting anxious and nervous and needed quietness.
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My mom came in with Lexi and I was happy to see them. Lexi was very intrigued by the baby’s heartbeat monitor and kept getting big eyed and saying WOW. However, the hospital is not a place for a 2 year old and after about 10 minutes my mom left taking Lexi to my aunts house.
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Candice came in about 12:30 and sat and talked with me. I was fine then. I had someone to talk to and now I didn’t care that Victor hadn’t gotten the text message and hadn’t asked everyone to leave my room. My friend Doreen, was also supposed to be there to help me but she wasn’t able to come until later on in the day.
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Dr. Gramann arrived at 1PM to break my water. I asked everyone to leave, except Candice and Victor. I am a true baby and my poor doctor was asked the whole pregnancy, “are you done yet?” I told him that I think this would be the last time I asked that question, but I ended up asking it later in the day…
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After he broke my water I asked the nurse to not let anyone back in quite yet as I was pretty overwhelmed. I got up and went to the bathroom and started feeling stronger contractions almost immediately. After about 30 minutes two aunts came, I am not really sure who was first but they came about the same time…One aunt held my hand, while the other was telling me how far apart my contractions were. I pretty much closed my eyes, breathed (if I was told to J) and ignored the world. This worked for awhile and then the contractions were on top of each other, not really stopping. The nurse had mentioned possibly needed to turn down the pitocin but we would wait and see.
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I finally asked for an epidural. I am not sure what time that was. When the lady came to give me my epidural I ended up having one aunt stay along with Victor and Candice. Rebecca came and tried to administer my epidural but kept stopping during contractions. I never saw a needle or really felt anything, as the contractions were stronger. By the end of the process I was sobbing, not because of the needle but because of the pain, but I am somewhat of a quiet crier so I was sobbing into my aunts chest which I was using for a pillow.
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After the epidural kicked in I was better. I was happy and could talk to my husband and have him talk back without hating him. I slowly calmed down and relaxed. The nurse kept coming in and checking me and the day seemed like FOREVER, but really was flying by. I stayed dilated it a 7CM for probably 2 hours but then the next time I was checked I was ready to push.

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I started pushing at 7PM. What I didn’t know is that the epidural was turned off and I started to feel pain. My pain was about a 1 out of 10 but I didn’t want it to go any further, as I was done feeling pain----or so I thought.
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A new man came into to give me a little more anesthetic (but I am now wondering what the heck he gave me). It didn’t really numb me and the epidural continued to wear off…
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I pushed and pushed and pushed. I told everyone that I was done and giving up. They laughed and told me I couldn’t. When it finally came time to push and they head was descending Dr. Gramann had me touch the babies head, not something I really was “into doing”. I still hadn’t screamed loud or anything. I was crying and felt like a big baby and that I was doing horrible but everyone kept telling me how wonderful I was doing…As I pushed someone (I think the doctor) told me to keep pushing and I could soon hold the baby. This was not a treat for me and I told them, “I don’t think I have any motherly instincts because I don’t want to hold him!” I just wanted him out!
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As the head started to crown, I started to scream. It was not a quiet scream either, my friends and family that were outside waiting heard me through 2 sets of closed doors and they could hear every word I was screaming…I told the doctor I couldn’t do it anymore. He told me very sternly to keep pushing and I was doing fine. He got up and went to get “tools” which I figured were forceps or something. I was so against anything being used (or the thought of it) during my pregnancy I was sure I would have said something but in that moment at that time, I didn’t care what had to be done just get it over with. He dropped his tools and had to go to get more, but never got a chance. Tanner’s head had crowned and it was time for the doctor to be there for everything. What they call “the ring of fire” really does burn and is the most pain I’d ever been in. I felt every bit of the delivery. After the head finally came out (which he did have a cone head) the rest kind of came out and was a blur.
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I can remember feeling the cord and the afterbirth coming out after Tanner. I have a picture that was taken were I am holding the baby but have a screwed up face, it was at that time that the rest was coming out and my body was still contracting. After he was cleaned up, they placed him on me. I got to hold him for the next 2 hours. Dr. Gramann spent about 10 minutes giving me 3 stitches, he said enough to carve in his initials. After I was cleaned up and stitched up we started letting people in and the rest of the night was a blur.
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After everyone left I asked if I could go to the bathroom and the nurse told me no because I was still numb. I told her I wasn’t and lifted and dangled my leg. She said that even though I could move I was still probably numb but that she would help me to the bathroom. She was surprised that I really wasn’t numb! So, I can say that I had an epidural BUT by the time I had the baby I was not numb and had a natural birth, right?!
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Since the delivery I have really had it easy. I was able to get up and move pretty easily. The next day I took a shower and did my makeup a little bit and even did my hair. We gave Tanner his first bath the second day.
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I am still surprised I am a mom! Victor and I are adjusting pretty easily. Victor finally, after 11 days, has changed about 3 diapers and fed the baby a couple bottles and attempted burping the baby. I told my Grandma a couple days ago that he had never fed, burped, dressed or changed a diaper and he told me he had! I was confused and asked him when?!? Apparently, he thought by standing next to me watching me do everything he was…helping! HA! Since then he’s done the real thing and is getting better with each attempt.